the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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