matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
