im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
