Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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