How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize