yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found puke in my bra..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
