I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
