ugly people sure do ruin things
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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