Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The convent might be a nice break from real life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
