Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
