I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
