Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
