there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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