Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
