Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
