Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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