At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need water and some morals
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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