apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How naked do you want me to be?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
