I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
