you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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