theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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