I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
