So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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