For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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