u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
