Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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