Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
