Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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