I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
