laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
