remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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