Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.