He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me