does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.