I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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