would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
