Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
