Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
