will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
