I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
