your parents love me but you hate me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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