walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
