My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
