My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you will always have a special place in my vag
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
