Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
