we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
