I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
