she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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