My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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