he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
