my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
