so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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