If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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