a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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