I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
