I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
