my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
