people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
