Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
