I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
