Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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