dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
