i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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