I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
