i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
