Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
