So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
