Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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