Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
